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While relational resources are finite, the capacity to love may be surprisingly flexible.

Satisfying sexuality can generate an emotional surplus rather than simply consume finite resources.

Positive emotions foster personal growth and well-being.

Widows and widowers often describe loving both their deceased spouse and their new partner.

“The more I see you, the more I want you; somehow this feeling just grows and grows.”—Chris Montez

We often imagine love as a pie: When one person receives a larger slice, someone else must receive less. This intuition fuels jealousy, supports expectations of exclusivity, and shapes many objections to consensual non-monogamy. But is romantic love truly a zero-sum game? Or is the heart capable of expanding even when the resources required to sustain relationships remain limited?

Romantic Capacity Versus Relational Resources

“The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love.”—Samantha, Her

The belief that romantic love is zero-sum assumes that directing affection toward someone new inevitably reduces what an existing partner receives. Love becomes a fixed pie: Every additional investment comes at someone else’s expense.

This view overlooks a crucial distinction between romantic capacity and relational resources. Romantic capacity refers to our ability to love, and relational resources include time, attention, emotional energy, physical presence, and commitment. These dimensions follow different rules. Relational resources are finite—there are only twenty‑four hours in a day—but the capacity to love is often remarkably elastic. The........

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