The Science of Mating

Take our Are You a Good First Date?

Find a therapist near me

Fast-start relationships can thrive if attraction is matched by genuine admiration.

An emophiliac falls in love quickly and often, but doesn't always lack commitment.

Rapid love isn’t risky unless it leads one to overlook key aspects of their partner.

“I love you. I knew it the minute I met you.”—Pat, Silver Linings Playbook

Falling in love is exhilarating. The real danger is not speed, but illusion. When love arrives quickly, the risk is not the intensity of attraction but the possibility that our early evaluations of a partner are incomplete or distorted.

Attractiveness and Praiseworthiness

“I didn’t fall for you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open.”—Tessa Bailey

Two core evaluations underlie romantic love: attractiveness and praiseworthiness. Attractiveness—often including sexual desire—is an immediate magnet that draws people together. Praiseworthiness involves deeper assessments of a partner’s character, values, and achievements, and is closely related to profound friendship. Romantic love typically requires both: the spark of attraction and the admiration that sustains a long-term bond.

The two evaluations differ in how they emerge. Attractiveness can ignite almost instantly, whereas praiseworthiness is usually revealed gradually. Accordingly, attractiveness often fuels the intensity of early romance, while praiseworthy qualities support enduring romantic depth (Ben-Ze’ev, 2000).

Yet when either dimension is exceptionally strong, judgment can become biased. This imbalance often produces halo effects. The attractiveness halo occurs when physical beauty........

© Psychology Today