When Atticus downloaded “OmniTalk: Universal Pet Translator,” he expected to finally connect with his Labrador retriever, Wilbur.

Atticus tapped the app, selected the “canine” (Labrador retriever) setting, and held the phone up to Wilbur, who was aggressively licking a blank wall. The black dog paused, then let out several sharp woofs!

The app’s mechanical voice chimed: “The drywall tastes like static electricity and old dreams. I must consume it.”

“Wilbur, stop eating the wall,” he said into the microphone. The app instantly translated his words into a series of rhythmic barks and a high-pitched whine.

Wilbur tilted his head, let out a low growl, and the app translated:

“Your accent is offensive. Did you just insult my mother or order a side of bacon? Either way, I require the bacon.”

Eager to test the limits of his new $4.99 software, Atticus took his phone and Wilbur to his aunt’s hobby........

© Peterborough Examiner