The 6 a.m. alarm didn’t wake the Miller family. Barnaby, their golden retriever with the intellectual depth of a sourdough starter, did.

“HEY GUYS. I LICKED A SOCKET AND NOW I CAN TASTE SHAPES. HEY!”

As Barnaby bounded away, Jim Miller bolted upright. “Who’s in the room?”

“It is I, the harbinger of your morning disappointment,” a raspy, sophisticated voice drifted from the foot of the bed.

It was Luna, the tuxedo cat, grooming a paw with an air of profound boredom.

“Jim, your snoring sounds like a walrus choking on bagpipes. It’s gauche.”

Jim and his wife, Sarah, also jolted awake and stared in silent horror. Down the hall, the kids bolted out of their rooms.

“Mom! Dad! The dog is asking me about the ‘forbidden sky-water’ in the toilet!” shrieked 10-year-old Leo.

“AAUGH! The bird is quoting my diary!” 13-year-old Chloe wailed.

Minutes........

© Peterborough Examiner