Since the whole of the Edmonton Oilers organization is living in an alternate universe wherein actions have no consequences and staffing decisions are made not with in-depth analysis but rather a firm handshake and a bullying story, I decided to put together a list of potential coaching options for the team.

These guys all have the winning pedigree of a certain (seemingly confirmed) candidate named Mike Babcock, as well as a strong, no-nonsense demeanour. Are these real candidates or even real people? Maybe! Are they all better than what may be incoming? I think so.

1. John Tortorella

Let’s start with a perfect example of what this Oilers leadership group is looking for. He is firm and, at times, straight-up crazy and scary. He is a proven winner in this league as well as internationally. And his historically hard training camps would potentially finally cure this team’s slow-start-itis. Most recently, of course, he took the Vegas Golden Knights to the Cup final. There is absolutely zero chance Vegas would have any problem at all with the Oilers reaching out to him. That would be weird and petty if they did.

2. Scotty Bowman

Why not?! He has the most wins all time as a head coach, his son is........

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