It’s hockey season, folks! An exciting time to be an Edmonton Oilers fan with the best player in the world in the lineup. Even more thrilling than seeing Star Wars a couple of years ago- er, I mean 47 years ago.

If you haven’t heard of me, I’m Chaz Horton, the new 92-year-old writer at DFO Edmonton. I’m actually 45 years old, but I was in suspended animation for 47 years; it’s a long story. I’m still getting used to living in the future and just found out you can’t hunt in Hawryluk Park.

The future has greeted me in some strange ways. I was rocking out to ‘Dance the Night Away’ the other day when a sketchy squirrel invaded my trailer. There was a furious fight, with the squirrel getting pelted with marshmallows and me getting bitten. My dog Sue chased that rodent all the way to the High Level Bridge.

Each day I’m feeling more and more like I’m in a never-ending episode of The Rockford Files. Instead of being Jim Rockford, bachelor private eye living by the ocean, I’m a time-travelling sports writer living by the North Saskatchewan. Typing my stories on this laptop thing has been a challenge though, as I don’t have ladyfingers. C’mon, can’t they make these things bigger? I miss typewriters already, and I never thought I’d say that. By the way, have you seen this Internet? There’s some shady stuff on there.

I’ve decided to name my Trans Am “the Dragon”. It’s been a blast driving it around and exploring Edmonton. I dropped by the DFO Edmonton office and showed off my wheels. A lot of the staff........

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