Valentine’s Day is upon us. First, warnings. Don’t send flowers. Please. Before those roses wilt so might your partner.

Also, easy on candles. Just trying to help you. Understand, everything can flicker out. Same might he, she or it. And watch the dental braces. You don’t want to get entangled.

Make a phone call, send an email, buy a cheapo hanky, mail a letter, iron an unused kerchief, phone a friend, find a tie, repack a scarf, polish an old earring, find warm socks, spruce up a marked down T-shirt, dig out gloves, spring for lozenges, deliver soup, visit personally.

I mean, please. If Napoleon was a cheapo, Josephine would’ve stuck him in exile earlier.

Shah Jahan and Mumtaz? Forget some crappy studio. Not even an NYC........

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