DANGER! HEAT ALERT! Do not jog, walk fast, or talk fast. Seniors should remain inside air-conditioned rooms, or the nearest fridge (max. occupancy 1). Exercise only between 3-4 a.m..

Welcome to summer 2025, where the theme is: “Just stay in.” Now the Montreal forecast predicts another long stretch of scorching 30-degree-plus heat in the coming days.

There was a time when a few hot Quebec days was something we remembered for decades as “the great heat wave of 1975.”

But now we talk about the “great heat wave of last weekend” compared to next weekend’s.

This summer, many afternoons were so hot our cactus wilted. Meanwhile in the Laurentians, even the bugs were too exhausted to bite.

You could hear them in the woods, murmuring: “No way I’m sucking anyone’s blood today. You do it, I’m taking a nap.”

In our new apocalyptic climate, just walking to your air-conditioned car is risky, requiring a Tilley hat, sunblock 220 and oven mitts to open the driver’s door.

It’s a dramatic change. Back in my childhood “Mr. Sun” was our best friend, a warm presence we soaked up like ... sunshine. But now it’s become a blistering bully.

With smoke from the wildfires, the sun looks like a radioactive alien menace, while school kids chant: “Sun, sun, go away, Come again another........

© Montreal Gazette