I Tried Hiding The Truth About My Adult Son, But Lying Became Too Exhausting

“Given the choice, I prefer to be the person who is working to dissolve the stain of stigma.”

Before my husband, Daniel, and I climb out of our car parked in front of our friend’s Baltimore home, I ask him how he wants to answer the question that we both know is coming.

“I’m not going to lie,” he tells me. “We don’t have to go into every detail of James’ latest episode. Let’s just say he’s struggling. He is 29 years old and struggling to find himself.”

“In the woods, at a therapeutic living community, in Brookline, Vermont,” I add from the passenger seat, just to complete the picture.

“Sure, if you want to tell them that. They’re not going to ask for more details. They’ll probably ask to pour you another drink at that point.”

Kevin and Eliza are friends of ours, but we have not known them for long.

“So, how are the kids?” Kevin asks, emphasis on the word kids. “Bring me up to date.”

Parents of children who suffer from substance use disorder, anxiety, depression or mental illness in general have two choices when faced with this question: lie and deflect the question or be blatantly honest.

Researchers call this “stigma by association” – the quiet social pressure and judgment that families absorb simply by loving someone with mental illness.

If I decide to avoid this hardball by lying, I could speak in generalities and say, relatively speaking, all three of my kids are well. They have........

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