Friendships are supposed to be a source of comfort, joy and support. But even in the closest relationships, communication can break down, leading to tension.

“In friendship, like in all human relationships, misunderstandings and hurt feelings are inevitable,” said Vanessa Cornell, a friendship expert and founder of the community support network NUSHU. “What really determines the strength and resilience of a friendship is how those moments are handled. One of the quickest ways to undermine healthy communication is falling into passive aggression.”

Passive aggression is basically expressing your negative feelings in ways that are not direct. Some classic passive-aggressive behaviors include not replying to texts or changing the subject in conversation to avoid acknowledging what someone said. You might flake on invitations you previously said yes to, or you might ice someone out by being less warm and excluding them from your plans.

“Giving a friend the silent treatment rather than telling her what you are upset about is passive-aggressive,” said Irene S. Levine, a clinical psychologist and friendship expert. “It is a way to upset and punish the other person. A roommate who slams doors as she goes from room to room because she is upset about her friend not assuming her share of responsibilities for cleaning up that apartment. She is acting angry without saying anything.”

Passive aggression also often manifests verbally through your choice of words and tone.

“Instead of openly sharing what’s going on emotionally, the message comes out in subtle ways, through sarcasm, withdrawal, backhanded comments or small digs that don’t quite say what needs to be said,” noted Thais Gibson, a relationship expert and founder of The Personal Development School.

It’s a natural tendency, particularly for people who are uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation.

“They may worry that the other person will blow up at them,” Levine said. “They may want to maintain a veneer of niceness. They may worry about losing the friendship.”

Many folks simply don’t have the tools to express their feelings in a productive way. And there’s a lot of fear around being misunderstood.

“They also may have grown up with passive-aggressive parents, and have been conditioned to believe that it’s a safe way to express anger,” said psychotherapist Meg Gitlin. “I also think that culturally, there’s an expectation that good friends aren’t judgmental, which can be challenging as people are often hardwired to feel and express judgment.”

Avoiding confrontation and finding more indirect ways to express your feelings can feel easier or even more socially acceptable in certain contexts. Passive aggression might also seem like a good way to relieve tension in the short term.

But this approach is counterproductive to the longevity and health of a friendship. Failing to address the negative feelings doesn’t make them go away and instead just creates misunderstanding and distance. Below, relationship experts break down some common passive-aggressive phrases and statements from friends and share the healthier alternatives.

‘Wow, must be nice.’

“This phrase often masks feelings like hurt, jealousy or feeling overlooked,” Gibson said. “Rather than naming the emotion directly, it comes out as sarcasm,........

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