A few weeks ago, I got back from my 48th trip to India, playing in the Big Cricket League. It still gets me every time, the noise, the colour, the kids playing cricket on every scrap of ground, the way a whole country loves the game.

The stands are full of boys, and you can feel them watching. They don’t miss much. Back home, my 11-year-old, Jonty, sits through any cricket that’s on. He’s a Kiwi kid, so his heroes are as likely to wear a black jersey as a blue one. But that’s the point. Boys are always watching someone, and not just to see who wins.

They watch for clues. A grip, a stance, how a man holds himself on the long walk back after a duck. But also, how he speaks when no one important is listening, how he treats women, what he laughs at, and what he lets pass. I have spent 20 years in dressing rooms, and I won’t pretend I always pulled people up when I should have. The room decides what’s normal, and the kid in the stands is taking it all in.

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What’s changed is who else is teaching them. While boys are on their phones, a whole industry of men online sells them a version of manhood built on dominance........

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