We live in a generation that talks about mental health more openly than ever before. We have learned the words—anxiety, depression, trauma, attachment, emotional neglect, burnout, people-pleasing, boundaries. We know how to identify symptoms, name patterns and sometimes even recognise them in ourselves.

And that is progress.But perhaps there is something more important than learning the name of a wound. Perhaps we need to learn how to understand where it came from. Because before there was an anxious adult, there was a child who was trying to feel safe. Before there was an adult who could not trust people, there may have been a child who learned, very early, that trusting someone came with consequences. Before there was a perfectionist constantly terrified of failure, there may have been a child who discovered that mistakes changed the way people looked at them. Before there was someone who struggled to express their emotions, there may have been a child who was repeatedly told to stop crying, stop being sensitive, stop making a fuss.We often meet people at the end of their story and judge them for the behaviours they have developed, without ever asking about the beginning.A teenager becomes withdrawn, and everyone asks, “Why don’t you talk to anyone?” A child becomes angry, and the adults ask, “Why are you behaving like this?” Someone becomes excessively sensitive, and we tell them they need to toughen up. Someone becomes desperate for reassurance, and we call them needy. Someone becomes distant, and we call them cold. Someone becomes obsessed with achievement, and we praise their ambition without wondering why failure feels unbearable to them.

We see the behaviour. We rarely see the child who learned it.Psychology has increasingly shown us how deeply our early environments can influence the way we understand ourselves and the world around us. Childhood does not simply pass........

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