Apple, get the hell out of my uterus

June 12, 2026 — 5:00am

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Apple, get the hell out of my uterus. If I wanted this level of exploration into my innermost privacies, I’d endeavour to bring back my mother from the dead, give her an inviting nod, and let her rip. Now I won’t need to.

Because as part of its 2027 software update, Apple’s Health app will be able to notify users when menstrual cycle patterns are suggestive of perimenopause.

But wait, I hear you ask: Isn’t it enough that our iPhone Health App already prompts us to log in our pregnancy test results? And tick whether we’ve had sex, and if we’ve used protection or not? (I’ll spare you the various types of “cervical mucus quality” you’re asked to share; you might be about to swallow your Weet-Bix.)

The answer is no, silly! Apple is here to help.

So those with uteruses can “understand more about what’s going on with your body and be better prepared to talk to your doctor”, said Apple spokesman Craig Federighi at the company’s announcement in California last week.

Now, let’s say I did have a hankering to share with Apple CEO Tim Cook the sinewy details of my sexual and gynaecological life that I am unlikely to offer up to my closest friends. (Like you, I contain multitudes.) I........

© Brisbane Times