Everything could be going fine until one inconsequential comment, one offhand remark ruins your day. Your mother casually criticizes you. A coworker offers unsolicited feedback on a presentation. A friend asks for everyone’s opinion on where to host their birthday dinner, except yours. The infraction rolls over and over in your mind: What did they mean by that? I’m an idiot, right? Why would they do that? Hours, days, even weeks can pass and, still, you can’t seem to shake what is arguably a minor slight.

You ask yourself, Am I being too sensitive? Well, are you?

Mark Leary, professor emeritus of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, says sometimes, seemingly insignificant snubs are effective at getting under our skin because they send a signal that we don’t matter. “It conveys that I don’t have a whole lot of relational value to you,” he says. “You don’t value your connection with me, because if you did, you’d treat me better than this.” Certain people are more sensitive to these upsets than others, Leary says, while others can easily brush them off.

The eternally-sensitive among us are equipped with, essentially, more emotional information-tracking sensors, according to Kelly Guynes, a licensed clinical social worker and the clinical director at the DBT Center of Houston. “The more ‘sensors’ you have,” she says, “the more data you’re getting, meaning you feel the world more deeply, more intensely.” As a result, you may be more emotionally reactive. A movie that a friend thinks is merely sad could leave you in tears. You can ruminate for hours about an eyeroll from an acquaintance at a party.

“The world keeps going and I’m getting hit and hit and hit, so I never have the time, or even have learned any skills, to bring myself back to a baseline.”

Without effective coping strategies, a lifetime of mini-hurts can compound. “Maybe one friend hasn’t texted me back yet, and I’m ruminating about it, and then my coworker gives me some constructive criticism, and then the vet bill was way more expensive than I thought it was going to be,” Guynes says. “The world keeps going and I’m getting hit and hit and hit, so I never have the time, or even have learned any skills, to bring myself back to a baseline.”

Being more attuned to our emotions isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But if you’re constantly offended or walking around with hurt feelings, it may disrupt the ability to connect with others. Your triggers may be totally perplexing to those who aren’t inside your head. So, why do some people have heightened emotional awareness? What can they do about it?

The role of nature and nurture

The........

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