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My OCD Makes Me Question If I’m a Good Person in Every Conversation

It can feel impossible to just be myself.

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OCD affects everyone differently, and as someone who grew up with the debilitating disorder, I have cycled through countless “themes” and subsets throughout my life. Recently, one of the worst and most difficult symptoms to manage is feeling the need to filter my authentic self.

The disorder makes me doubt my own intentions or overthink how I’m being perceived. Without even realizing it, I often run my words and actions through a hypervigilant morality filter. It’s not in the healthy, think-before-you-speak/act kinda way. It’s more in the…stop letting yourself be human and only behave or talk as a perfectly put-together, hyper-self-aware person who considers every possible perspective and experience.

I’m not quite sure when this started, but I do believe social media and society’s obsession with picking everyone apart has something to do with it. I have a crippling fear of saying the wrong thing, presenting myself in a way that doesn’t actually align with my values, or really just being a human with my own personality.

OCD and the Hypervigilant Morality Filter

In many cases (and in my own case), the hypervigilant morality filter stems from a subset of OCD called “moral scrupulosity.”

According to the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF), “Moral Scrupulosity revolves around the fear that one may act in ways that are inconsistent with their own moral compass, or what they deem as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ by society’s standards.”

“As we know, OCD loves to pick on the areas of an OCD sufferer’s life that they value most, such as doing well by others,” the IOCDF reports. “If being a........

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