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Why Making Friends as an Adult Is So Hard (and How to Find Your People)

Don’t worry, everyone else feels just as awkward as you do.

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At some point in your mid-thirties, you look around and realize your social circle has somehow dwindled. People got married, moved away, had kids, got weird about politics. The friendships you made effortlessly at 14 in a school cafeteria now feel like a distant, nostalgic memory. Back then, proximity was enough. You sat next to someone, complained about the same teacher, and that was it. Easy peasy. 

Adulthood doesn’t work like that anymore, and the stats are pretty grim, honestly. According to the American Perspectives Survey, the percentage of U.S. adults with zero close friends has quadrupled to 12 percent since 1990, while those reporting 10 or more close friends have fallen by nearly three times. All of this while we’ve never had more ways to reach each other.

The fix, according to Psychology Today contributor Nir Bashan, requires actual effort and a little creativity. Here’s where to start.

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