It can be heartbreaking to realize that someone you love can’t live up to your expectations. It can be even harder to look back at choices you’ve made in life and know you could have been kinder or put more effort into things that really mattered.

However, when we bravely face the hard truths we have to learn in life, we become emotionally stronger. The struggle may be painful at the time, but as Ernest Hemingway wrote in “A Farewell to Arms,” “the world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” On the other side of the emotional Rubicon is healing, wisdom, and strength.

A poster in Reddit’s emotional intelligence subforum asked users a very personal question that got to the heart of how they became stronger people: “What’s a harsh truth you had to accept to become emotionally mature?” The responses showed the power of taking personal responsibility and seeing yourself and others with rigorous honesty.

The discussion is a wonderful reminder of the gold that we can find on the other side of heartache and loss. Here are 11 of the best harsh truths people had to accept to become emotionally mature.

Here’s what people had to learn the hard way

1. Bad parents aren’t an excuse

“Having sh*tty parents is not an excuse to be a sh*tty adult. At a certain point, it’s on you to do the work and break the cycle.”

2. Nobody owes you anything, nobody is coming to save you

“That’s right, if you want change, start a revolution yourself.”

“Or, as my therapist put it, ‘the cavalry is........

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