Everyone has felt anger, but not everyone knows what to do with it. For some, anger is an emotion they feel needs to be suppressed due to embarrassing or damaging outbursts. There’s also pressure to keep cool in social situations, even when something isn’t right. Anger, however, isn’t something to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be a form of compassion.

When reframed and used effectively, anger can be a source of self-love and protection. It can also help address what’s wrong in a constructive way. Mental health professionals who spoke to Upworthy shared how reframing anger and channeling it properly can be beneficial.

1. Acknowledge the anger

“Anger is like the quarter you insert in a toll booth,” said licensed clinical social worker and therapist Roselyn Pérez Casiano. “Resistance to insert it will keep you stuck, but choosing to accept it and let it go will open the gate towards self-compassion.”

“It is a natural human emotion, and I see it as a signal that tells us that the boundary has been crossed or the need is not being met,” said Dr. Lori Bohn of Voyager Recovery Center. “If we can recognize it early on, we can use it instead of being consumed by it. We need people to be able to slow down when they are feeling anger arise and look at what is being threatened or not being met.”

“When people feel anger, it is not that there is something ‘wrong’ with them,” said clinical psychologist Dr. Erika Bach. “It is worth paying attention and getting curious about, because it can tell us a lot about what we are feeling in a situation and can propel us forward to speak honestly or to set boundaries.”

“It’s important to allow anger to show up rather than repressing it,” said therapist Natalia Michaelson. “Collaborating with your anger, rather than fighting against it, can be a positive way to support yourself.”

There’s a reason you feel angry. Knowing what’s behind it can help you address it.

“[Anger] is an indicator that the unmet needs, the injustices, or the underlying sadness are important to look at,” said Bohn. “Instead of trying to eliminate the anger, we can look at what the underlying needs are and express them in a way that is strong but also respectful.”

“Ultimately, anger is a primal emotion, and just like all emotions, they can be used as information,” said therapist Atalie Abramovici. “Anger may be one of the more uncomfortable emotions to experience, but it has a plethora of potential to connect to yourself more honestly, and with the world more ambitiously.”

3. Reframe anger as protection, self-compassion, and self-love

“I frequently tell my clients that anger is an expression of self-love,” said licensed counselor Karissa Mueller. “It’s often coming from a part of them that’s trying to get them to notice when a boundary has been crossed, or they’re not being loved or cared for in the way that they need. Parts that get our attention through anger tend to function really well as highlighters, directing our attention towards something that matters.”

“Some tips for working with anger include sitting with it compassionately, like you might with another person who is struggling, and understanding how it protects you,” said Michaelson.

“We feel anger when things feel unfair, when it feels as though a boundary has been crossed, or we want to speak up,” said Bach. “Anger can give us the fire and motivation to finally share how we’re feeling when we might otherwise have difficulty doing so.”

This reframing allows anger to be seen not as a weapon or something to be shamefully suppressed, but as a signal from your core self that something is wrong and needs to be addressed to protect you.

4. Take the “why” and put it into useful action

“Let’s say you just got broken up with and you’re feeling anger on a deep level,” said Abramovici. “Instead of focusing that anger towards your ex and obsessing over them, you can channel the energy that comes with that anger towards being competitive with yourself, leveling up in your personal and professional life, doing things that once brought you joy, and challenging yourself to accomplish goals that you may not have had that spark of motivation to push yourself towards.”

Mueller recommends asking your anger questions like, “What are you hoping will happen by making me feel angry about this?” and “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t make me feel angry about this?” The answers can help you identify positive, healthy actions to address the root of the anger.

Casiano offers additional questions to ask yourself once you understand why you’re angry:

“Ask yourself: What am I perceiving as beyond my control? What is truly important to me here? What is truly under my control? What can I do? Directing your attention to what matters makes self-compassion and constructive action more accessible.”

That pent-up energy from anger can be useful fuel for solutions or achievements when it’s been reframed and examined to understand why it emerged in the first place.

5. Let go of anger when it’s no longer useful or becomes harmful

Sometimes anger can’t be used to resolve what caused it in the first place. In those cases, it’s best to release it in a healthy way. Exercising, screaming into a pillow, or expressing your anger through art can help ease tension.

“Some of the grounding techniques that are recommended so that the person doesn’t get lost in the overwhelming feeling of the anger are deep breathing techniques, relaxation techniques, or identifying the physical sensation in the body,” said Bohn.

@lionhearttherapist Coping with anger #tiktok #mentalhealth #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #therapistsoftiktok #anger ♬ original sound – Dr. Brendan Nierenberg, PsyD

Coping with anger #tiktok #mentalhealth #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #therapistsoftiktok #anger ♬ original sound – Dr. Brendan Nierenberg, PsyD

6. If it becomes overwhelming, seek professional guidance

Managing and reframing your anger isn’t something you have to do alone. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you find the tools and strategies needed to manage it effectively.

“To deepen this work and learn how to work compassionately with your anger, finding an IFS therapist can be helpful,” said Michaelson. “IFS is a non-stigmatizing model that helps people learn how to extend self-compassion to their parts, including the parts people often struggle being compassionate towards, like anger.”

Music, community and joy drive real change

In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin. 

It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest. 

The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn? 

Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.

Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world. 

Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends. 

Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.

A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission

Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education. 

But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities. 

The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere. 

You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.

Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil

In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country. 

“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says. 

But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.

Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model. 

“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling........

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