Supposedly, the tiresome comedy stylings of Gavin Newsom – he’s the equivalent of a Wednesday night prop comic opener down at the Gooberville Giggle Works – have thrust him into the forefront of the Democrat race for the 2028 nomination. What a sad and pathetic state of affairs that is. He’s trying to claim the Fighter Lane. You see, he fights by hiring a couple of they/them mediocrities to run his social media account, pumping out an endless series of tweets that are nearly as funny as leprosy. They are directed at Trump, who ignores them; if a nitwit tweets in the forest, does it make a sound? This is fighting in the eyes of the Democrat activist class; this is pathetic in the eyes of normal people.

A lot of them are trying to crowd into the Fighter Lane. We need somebody who’s going to fight the perilous peril that is Donald Trump and his authoritarian authoritarianism that’s literally fascist Nazism! Of course, the fighting is entirely performance art. You’ve got Pete Buttigieg out there promising to fight. This Navy veteran – he’s all yours, swabbies! – looks less like a bruiser than someone you want to give a wedgie, and who would eagerly receive it. Illinois governor/behemoth JB Pritzker seeks to waddle into the fighter lane, too, though if he does, he’s going to have to wear a sign on his back reading “Wide Load.” Well, he does have weight on his potential opponents – he outweighs all of them put together – but the dude’s not going to have endurance for the long haul; he breaks a sweat resting.

The Fighter Lane would be crowded just with JB alone, but with Gov. Hairstyle, Alfred McKins-E Neuman, Spartacus Booker, Big Chief Warren, and others potentially competing, the smart play would be to seek another lane. Call it the Sane Lane. That’s the lane where the candidate embraces normality and lets the lunatics tear each other apart over their total dedication to left-wing insanity and hatred of Trump.

What does the Sane Lane look like? Well, it looks a lot like the way we ended up with Bill Clinton. For those of you who weren’t around when Bill Clinton came out of nowhere in 1992 – he had been the governor of a southern state and was known primarily for giving the longest and most boring Democrat convention speech in history. He did it despite having a libido limited only by the angle of his Peyronie’s disease. He did it because he had some charisma, and he took the radical position that crime is bad and people should work instead of getting welfare.

Yes, at the time, most Democrats were saying the same kind of thing that the Democrats now are saying about crime and people working instead of being on welfare. They were for crime and against people working instead of being on........

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