IF YOU’RE IRISH and you live abroad, it’s only a matter of time until someone tries to do your accent.

It could be a saloon drunk, an office funnyman, or some dreaded acquaintance you’ve been trapped with at a party. We recognize them by the giddy look in their eye when they hear the lilt in our voice. Like a Hollywood starlet landing their big break. They’ve been waiting for this moment.

I live in constant fear of these people. The same way a rabbit must remain alert to the approach of the coyote. Their impersonation is invariably artless and there is no correct reaction. Laughter could encourage them to continue. But telling them off will make you seem oversensitive, or worse; ‘uppity’.

An excruciating moment will pass before the impressionist will become uncomfortable and move on, the humiliation now mutually experienced.

Irish people protect the authenticity of our accents as the Italians do with their food. Slight variations in the recipe are an abomination. A common mistake is to think that there is a ’broad’ Irish accent in the same way there is general American, general Australian, or Received Pronunciation (otherwise known as ‘the Queen’s English’).

Our voices change in almost imperceptible increments from........

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