There are moments in my consulting room that simply did not exist before October 7. One in particular captures the complexity of my work today. During a session with an interfaith couple, the Jewish partner recounts an experience of antisemitism. My body responds before my mind does. It goes cold. Goosebumps rise. Tears come to my eyes. I recognize these as embodied echoes of intergenerational trauma. Yet, at precisely these moments, my task is not simply to stay with the Jewish partner’s pain. I must also remain aware of the non-Jewish partner sitting opposite me. If I unconsciously align myself with the Jewish partner’s fear, I risk reinforcing the other partner’s sense of exclusion. My task is to hold compassion for the fear I recognize while remaining equally curious about the partner who responds with irritation. Only when each person feels genuinely seen can they begin to understand the emotional reality the other is living with.

As a Jewish couples therapist and the daughter of a father who survived the Holocaust as a hidden child, I know that I also bring my own history into the consulting room. There are times when comments leave me questioning whether I have just witnessed antisemitism, or whether my heightened vigilance is shaping what I hear.........

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