Is it true that Tucker Carlson was harassed, attacked and mauled by Jewish Israeli demons in Ben Gurion Airport, leaving him with bleeding wounds all over his body?  I’m just asking.

It’s well known that Tucker Carlson, former Fox News host and current grand pooh-bah of online media platforms, has courageously disclosed that late in 2024, while asleep in his bed, he was “physically mauled” by a “demon,” and that the attack resulted in bleeding wounds all over his torso, not to mention bed-sheets soaked in blood.  In fact, the injuries were so severe that he thought he was dying.

Well, let’s be honest here: demonic attacks could happen to anyone–you, me, or Tucker Carlson.  Am I right, or am I right?  There’s no reason to think that, just because Carlson believes he was the victim of such an attack, there’s anything strange or odd about him.  President Trump, for example, has called Mr. Carlson “kooky.”  I personally think that’s a little bit extreme.  Maybe Mr. Trump hasn’t been mauled by demons in his sleep, but that’s no proof–none whatsoever–that Mr. Carlson wasn’t the victim of just such an attack.

And more recently, Mr. Carlson found himself, once again, to be the innocent, defenseless victim of yet another attack.  This time the attack occurred in Ben Gurion Airport, just outside Tel Aviv.  Carlson flew to the airport to meet with and interview U.S. Ambassador to Israel Mike Huckabee, and the two men had a long, serious and even “emotional” discussion about Israel.  And although Ambassador Huckabee invited him to stay in Israel for several days, Carlson in fact flew out of Israel without ever having left the airport’s V.I.P. lounge.  (I suppose you can never be sure what difficulties you might encounter on foreign soil.  In fact, I’d bet that Mr. Carlson always travels from V.I.P. lounge to V.I.P. lounge, without ever stepping foot upon foreign territory outside an airport.)

Now, the attack in Ben Gurion Airport was not perpetrated by Ambassador Huckabee; apparently he and Mr. Carlson had a good conversation.  But after the conversation was finished, something “bizarre” happened to Mr. Carlson.  He and the people with him had their passports taken from them, and some of them were “hauled” into a side room and interrogated about the just-finished conversation with Huckabee.  It was only after a pretty rough interrogation that their passports were returned and they were permitted to get on a plane and–no doubt with enormous feelings of relief–leave Israel.

Of course, Israeli authorities assert that nothing bizarre happened to Carlson or his entourage–supposedly, everything they experienced was nothing more than routine questioning to which all travelers are subjected.  Kind of what you’d expect Israeli authorities to say, isn’t it?  Of course they’re going to deny Carlson’s obviously correct statement that something bizarre was going on.

In fact, it can now be revealed, for the very first time, that the so-called Israeli authorities who accosted Carlson and his associates in the V.I.P. lounge of Ben Gurion Airport were actually demons, and Jewish Israeli demons at that.  How do we know this to be true?  Well, the source of this information must remain anonymous, because he or she has not been authorized to discuss these facts publicly.  But reliable sources have disclosed to us a truly horrifying account, revealed below.  (Warning: The following contains material that may be very disturbing; discretion is advised.)

When Tucker Carlson was on the flight back to the U.S. from Israel, he soon noticed that blood was seeping through his shirt.  He opened his shirt (in the plane’s bathroom, I assume) and discovered that his torso was covered with deep, bloody wounds, and all of those wounds were shaped like Stars of David.  What was Mr. Carlson to think?  In fact, what would anyone in the whole world think?  Obviously, Jewish Israeli demons had cunningly and slyly attacked Mr. Carlson while he was in the V.I.P. lounge of the Ben Gurion Airport, and the result was the appalling injuries that he suffered.  I don’t know what other conclusion could possibly be reached.

I know all our hearts will go out to Mr. Carlson.  It must be pretty terrifying to be mauled even once by demons, but to be mauled twice!  Think of it: very, very scary.  And Jewish Israeli demons at that–that makes it even worse.  I’m sure you will all join me in wishing Mr. Carlson a speedy recovery, both physically and mentally.

There’s just one more thing I would add.  It’s common knowledge that, since his departure from Fox News, Mr. Carlson has frequently used a broadcast studio that is located in a home he owns in Woodstock, Maine.  It sounds as if it’s a very rustic place, and I would bet that it has a well that provides water to the house.  If it ever happens that that well turns out to have been poisoned, I think Mr. Carlson and all the rest of us will know exactly who would be responsible for that dastardly act.  No question at all.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)