Most people think of themselves as good. They want others to perceive them as good. Our individual definition of “good” is influenced by factors like our culture and upbringing. Canadians often preen themselves on their civility, but really it’s just a result of living in a country where civility is the norm. Civility is not the norm in Israel. People lean on their horns in the streets and bellow in anger on the sidewalks. But civility is just skin-deep—Israelis will always help if you are in distress. They only bellow if you’re pissing them off.

Helping someone in distress is probably a universal definition of goodness, but the number of people who voluntarily step out of their comfortable lives to put themselves in danger for others is very small. I don’t have to feel ashamed that other Protective Presence volunteers are doing this more than me, for longer. Can’t I feel proud that I’ve done it at all?

I am obsessed over what it means to live a moral life. I’m not a bad person. I devoted myself to my kids; I calculate the carbon footprint of every decision. But I haven’t done more than Fatima and Husni and Abu Waseem. How come I get to live in a safe, rich country? Doesn’t the grotesque injustice of our disparate lives require me to do more?

But…I loathe Protective Presence. Before I arrived, I thought I’d do it 5 days a week, like a job. When I realized how horrible and physically challenging it was, I cut it down to 48 consecutive hours a week. I’d come back to Jerusalem wrecked and spend two days in bed recovering. Then I’d spend the next two days dreading going back. The weekly cycle of Misery/Exhaustion/Dread was unbearable, so I cut shifts back to 24 hours, which at least gave me one day of relief.

But when I go back to the........

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)