‘Enhanced’– it’s such a slinky word. A ‘boob job’ sounds like a gimmick on a stick and a ‘breast augmentation’ implies cantilevers and mathematics – but a ‘breast enhancement’ sounds like something highly agreeable that everyone is going to benefit from. It’s with this bias towards the word that I consider ‘The Enhanced Games.’

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Let’s be honest – it’s also because until I gave them up ten years ago. I was crazy about drugs, especially ones that enhanced my performance. Yes, I liked taking them in order to interact with other people on drugs – all of us no doubt yelling boring, repetitive rubbish – but most of all I loved to be alone with a gram of cocaine and a deadline, getting to work on drugs. Especially when writing my 1998-2000 columns for the Guardian (how surreal that sentence looks now!) I was fuelled by the white stuff, and got a great deal of very high-quality writing done very quickly indeed. I also wrote a young adult novel, Sugar Rush, in six afternoons after good luncheons at pleasant restaurants where drink was taken; just one ‘line’ when I got home and I was ready to go. It went on to be made into an excellent television series, which won an Emmy. Should I have had my Emmy removed because the initial work which the show sprung from was carried out with the aid of chemicals? I think not!

So my interest was naturally piqued by the Enhanced Games, in which athletes may partake of pharmaceuticals in order to be the best they can be at what they like to do best. It’s due to take place in May, in Las Vegas, featuring swimming, weightlifting and track and field events, and has a lovely website, which informs us that ‘The Enhanced Games is a global annual competition that celebrates human potential through safe, transparent enhancement, offering fair play, record pay, and unmatched athlete care.’

I love that last bit. ‘Unmatched athlete care’ tells us very firmly that there won’t be........

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