They say justice is blind, but it can’t see worse than the editors of the Rutgers Undergraduate Law Review.

They published my article.

Am I enrolled at Rutgers? No. Am I an undergraduate? No. Am I a lawyer? Ha! Did I even review my piece before it was published?

I wrote my piece on maritime law, which is fancy English for “rules for boats ‘n stuff,” where “stuff” is defined as “watery things” excluding water pistols, pool floats, and puddles.

I don’t mean to insult the Rutgers Undergraduate Law Review. For one, I don’t want that group of aspiring lawyers to sue my shoes off.

For two, it’s really not their fault for publishing my piece.

I may not be the finest legal mind of my time, but I used phrases like “legal uniformity through expansive federal jurisdiction and preemption” and “the Court’s........

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