A friend (obviously thinking I need it), recently gave me a book he found in a second-hand shop. It is called Christian Politeness and Counsels for Youth and was published in Dublin by the Irish Christian Brothers for the instruction of the sort of lower-class Catholic boy contemptuously dismissed by Simon Dedalus in Ulysses as “Paddy Stink and Micky Mud”, of whom I was undoubtedly one.

Here are the essential commandments for decent behaviour extracted from the guide:

1. When standing, the toes should be turned out a little, and the heels separated somewhat from each other.

2. Neither must we rest our heads against the wallpaper thereby staining it.

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3. One should not so far forget himself as to whistle in the street, nor in public vehicles, nor at public meetings, nor in any place where it may cause annoyance. The habit of whistling is one that should be altogether avoided.

4. A gentleman does not open conversation with an unknown lady when travelling by rail; the initiative belongs to her – a privilege which she should very rarely avail of.

5. We should avoid wrinkling the forehead. A wrinkled forehead is often the mark of a melancholy temper or of a haughty mind which despises those whom it considers its inferiors.

6. When in repose the mouth should not remain partly open. An open mouth denotes feebleness of........

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