Experts warn parents, educators to get ahead on Iran war conversations

Parents and educators are navigating difficult conversations about the war with Iran as students of all ages see disturbing news and images online from the conflict.  

From the deaths of U.S. service members to a strike on an Iranian school killing more than 150 people, the horrors of war are getting harder to avoid for children.  

Experts warn it is a complicated balance not to shy away from these conversations while also keeping them age-appropriate. 

But the amount of time parents have to game that out is minimal in the age of the internet, with older students consuming online misinformation faster than parents expect

“I would say starting with a listening mindset and letting the conversation go from there,” said Scott Woitaszewski, chair of the school safety and crisis response committee for the National Association of School Psychologists, instead of thinking an adult has to have “all the right answers, so to speak.”  

“For example, you might ask a question like, ‘What have you heard and what are you feeling?’ And that’s that’s a good way to convey care and empathy, it also provides clues … for example, does the child feel all alone? Do they need comforting? Or maybe their questions and needs are more around inaccurate information. Do they need some debunking of inaccurate information?” 

The U.S.-Iran war has taken over social media and news headlines as gas prices rise and the Trump administration embraces a bellicose press strategy, sharing images of the conflict including posting a video of the U.S. Navy sinking an Iranian warship, killing dozens.  

But the war has also led to a flood of AI-generated fake images and videos, and distinguishing fact from fiction can be difficult for adults, let alone children.

“It’s important to understand that media also often gets used during war, that media becomes a mechanism by which the warring parties can gain support for themselves,” said Alison Holman, a health psychologist and professor in the Sue & Bill Gross School of Nursing and Department of Psychology at the University of California, Irvine. “Media is often used as propaganda, and we saw that in the Israel-Gaza War.” 

“I think it’s important for kids to understand that, so that when they look at stuff and engage with the media, they’re engaging in a way that is helping them,  recognizing and looking at it and thinking about it in a critical way, instead of just accepting what they’re seeing, especially if they’re scrolling on social media,” Holman added.  

Experts say it is important that adults have their own feelings in line and don’t feel a need to share their own thoughts on the conflict but stick with the facts.  

“Before you start any conversation, take a breath, sort of make sure that you’re calm, that you’ve got your thoughts together, that you have some ideas of what you’re about, what you know about the situations, your feelings about your beliefs and values,” said Robin Gurwitch, a psychologist who specializes in children exposed to traumatic events and a professor at the Duke University School of Medicine.  

“First and foremost, make sure your emotions are in check before you jump in with your kids. Because no matter whether they’re 6 or 16, they’re going to take their cues from you, so you want to be seen as OK, I can talk about this,” she added.  

The tone the adult sets for these discussion is important, experts argue, because it is unlikely students will only want to talk about this once, especially with a clear end to the conflict not in sight. 

The Trump administration has given varying timelines for how long it expects the war to go on. 

President Trump has wavered between declaring the U.S. will accept nothing but “unconditional surrender” with Iran to saying the military effort is practically over and will wrap up soon.  

Whether soon means weeks or months, Iran has shown no signs of wanting to surrender, selecting hardliner Mojtaba Khamenei, a son of late Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, as its leader next despite Trump saying he wanted a say in the matter.  

“Having discussion with children and teens about historical events such as the Iran war can be a teaching moment. It would allow parents and adults an opportunity to educate youth on the connection between issues globally and how it’s important to us living in the U.S. However, these conversations with young people, especially children should be kept to basic factual information that can be explained in simple terms. You should also avoid graphic details about what has happened,” said Erlanger Turner, licensed psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Pepperdine University. 

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