The Kids Are Not All Alright … And They’re All Still In Their 30s And 40s

(Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Certain women want a wedding. They just don’t want a marriage.

Some aging unmarried women are opting for “milestone birthday parties” in the style of a wedding celebration, says The New York Times (NYT).

The NYT profiled Brittany Allyn, who planned a matrimony-themed party for her 40th birthday. Allyn wore a white bridal gown, made a grand entrance “to the sounds of Johann Pachelbel’s Canon in D,” and wore “something borrowed” (a diamond watch).

The NYT also spoke to Sarah Adair, an event planner who has “planned several wedding-style 40th birthdays for clients.”

Allyn’s faux-wedding is self-centered, of course, but it also strikes me as very sad. The NYT makes reference to such celebrations as an act of “empowerment and self-love.” Exactly what sort of power has Allyn asserted? The power to spend money on a lavish party? The power to drink and party, unburdened by a husband or children? 

Allyn “didn’t set out to plan a wedding-like celebration,” but “quickly realized that many of the elements she wished to include, such as speeches from guests and a slide show of baby photos, felt like moments that happen at a wedding,” according to the NYT. (RELATED: Catholic Church Takes Action After ‘Straight’ Transgender Wedding Before Altar) 

“People are getting married later in life … Women deserve to celebrate such a milestone with or without a partner,” Adair told the paper. 

There you have it. Celebration is a human right (for women).

Sidney Bacon, bride, in garden with bridesmaids (from left), Mary Mills, Katherine Babcock, Nancy Gerry, Natalie Fell, and flower girl Linda Peyton. (Photo by Horst P. Horst/Condé Nast via Getty Images)

The NYT spoke to another event planner, Alyssa Pettinato, who helped her best friend organize a wedding-themed 40th birthday in March 2025. Pettinato estimates her “single and childless” friend spent nearly $50,000 on the celebration.

Another woman, Sarah Jacobson, says she planned a destination birthday trip to Mexico City for her 40th birthday. She reportedly “cried as she delivered a toast to her friends during the celebratory dinner.”

“I wasn’t ever thinking of this as a replacement for a wedding — I don’t know if I even want a wedding,” Jacobson said to the NYT. “To me, what was so special was that I had all of these people in my favorite place, which is really rare as an adult, and that aspect did feel like a wedding.” 

One of Jacobson’s friends praised the celebration, telling the NYT, “So much of our adult lives are spent marking the traditional milestones you hear about your whole life — engagements, marriages, babies, first homes … For women who aren’t partnered, there’s often no external occasion prompting this kind of celebration, so creating one yourself is a genuine declaration of self-worth.” (RELATED: ROOKE: Tackling The Suicidal Societal Trend Coming For Marriages) 

As Reason’s Liz Wolfe noted, having a child or getting married is not a declaration of self-worth. A wedding is a celebration of family formation. A baby shower is a celebration of a new life. The bride or the expectant mother is celebrated, of course, because she is doing something important and meaningful. A woman has not done anything important and meaningful by virtue of turning 40. 

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