Some college grads get Steve Jobs. Others, John F. Kennedy. This year, graduates of Tougaloo College were treated to a commencement speech no less memorable — For all the wrong reasons. 

Democratic Rep. Jasmine Crockett of Texas gave an incoherent commencement address to Tougaloo College’s Class of 2025. Crockett began the speech by thanking Tougaloo College President Donzell Lee for the opportunity to speak, adding, “I hope you don’t regret it.” Cue twenty or so minutes of regrettable remarks. 

“When Congressman [Bernie] Thompson basically volun-told [sic] me that I was gonna do this, I was like, bruh,” she began. Crockett veered between lamenting the “haters” who “continuously spread lies about me” and whining about the fatiguing nature of her job.

“We don’t get stylists, an army of protectors, traveling makeup artists, speech writers,” the congresswoman griped. “I oftentimes have to let my staff start a speech, and then I either put some stank on it, or I completely go off the dome.” Crockett is clearly alluding to the two rhetorical modes identified by Aristotle: stanky or “off the dome.” You decide how best to categorize this particular speech. 

“The reality is that there is a song that goes, ‘Haters get on your job.’ ‘Haters get on your job,’ y’all know that song? We’re also going through the soundtrack of my life. Again, it’s the paradox and parallels for me,” Crockett said. She repeated the mantra “paradox and parallels” throughout the speech, seemingly without bothering........

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