One of the most annoying things about having children is that people give them presents. It’s almost always stuff you don’t want or need, and you must feign excitement on their behalf. “Oh my god, amazing” is a phrase I regularly deploy, usually while holding something awful like a giant xylophone or a bear that screams the alphabet in Spanish.

Occasionally, however, you will have a friend who wants to avoid buying your kid more useless junk and instead only gives books. On the surface, this is great. We love books, and reading is essential – all the experts say so.

Even before Jamie Oliver released (and then retracted) his controversial children’s book, the industry was overcrowded by cynical celebrities cashing in.Credit: Michaeel Howard

Unfortunately, the time has come for a public service announcement. The children’s book industry is in crisis, hijacked by the very same people who have already ruined alcohol brands: celebrities.

What do Ash Barty, Tony Armstrong, Zoe Foster Blake, NRL player Tom Trbojevic, late-night host Jay Leno, Oscar winner Natalie Portman, rapper Lil Nas X, Madonna and Channing Tatum all have in common? They’ve all written their own children’s books.

Not content with being rich, beloved and attractive, celebrities are increasingly turning their hands to authoring books for kids, meaning every second book that turns up at our house is written by someone........

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