There’s no stat for it, but was this the sweatiest round in NRL history?

If the former Prince Andrew were a rugby league player, even he might have perspired. The early March humidity turned warm-ups into sauna sessions. Late in games, players were collapsing with cramps like they’d been shot. Every venue felt like Queensland.

Interestingly, the Queensland-based teams, most acclimatised to the steam-bath conditions, all lost. On Sunday, with the air not so much raining as wringing, South Sydney slithered through the Dolphins 40-30 to leave the Queensland clubs all equal on zero points after round one.

Souths have some of the smallest players in the NRL, and Jye Gray, Peter Mamouzelos and Bud Sullivan showed that a small cake of soap is harder to hold than a big one. The decisive try was scored by Lachlan Hubner, who, impersonating James Graham in the infamous Vaso-gate episode of 2012, slipped out of tackles like he was made of petroleum jelly.

Dolphins defenders, who missed 35 tackles in the game, fell about for most of the afternoon like they were trying to get out of a bathtub.

Defeat cut deep for Broncos prop Payne Haas on Friday night.Credit: NRL Photos

The worst of the worst Queensland clubs – frankly, the worst team of the round – were the premiers. On Friday, the Broncos scored zero points against Penrith and were lucky to get that many. They dropped the ball 19 times.

Penrith, having started like a machine, soon caught the dropsies and the match degenerated into the messiest of the round. It was a pity to see all that hype dissolve into a puddle of transpiration.

© The Age