A quick disclaimer before we get to the penis stuff: I am NOT a Taylor Swift hater. I don’t listen to her music all that often, but I like some of her songs (the 1980s guitar sound to “Style” does it for me). I don’t hold it against people who obsess over this woman’s creative output. You wanna be a Swiftie, knock yourself out. You wanna be one of those parents who are like, “I wasn’t a Swiftie until I paid $4,000 so my daughter could go to an Eras show, now I love her!” — again, knock yourself out. You do your music, I do mine.

So keep that in mind for this review, because I am not frothing at the bit to rip Taylor Swift into fine, glittery shreds. I come to her latest album, the tepidly received “The Life of a Showgirl,” with fresh ears and an open heart. You might even say I’m excited for this one-man listening party, because I’ve just received word of a track on Swift’s new opus titled “Wood.” “Oh,” you ask, “is that a cover of Alice In Chains’ ‘Would?’ — one of the defining grunge anthems of the 1990s?” No, that’s a different song with a different spelling. This “Wood” is a Swift original, and it’s about her fiancé, Chiefs superstar tight end Travis Kelce.

More specifically, it’s about his hog.

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Now, popular music has a long, veiny history of phallocentric compositions. Gene Simmons alone accounts for hundreds of such tracks. So Taylor Swift isn’t breaking new ground by penning an ode to her man’s dig ol’ bick. But when you consider that Swift’s catalog almost exists as........

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