One of the most common questions we get from participants when we’re delivering leadership development programs is, “How can I be a good leader when my own manager sets a bad example?” When your manager isn’t doing a great job of making work meaningful for you, it can be hard to make work meaningful for your own team.

While most Americans are highly satisfied with their boss (Minkin, 2023), some of us find ourselves stuck with a manager who isn’t performing as we would like. That puts middle managers in a tricky position: responsible for delivering results and motivating their own teams while reporting to a boss who is unskilled, unaware, or unmotivated.

This situation certainly isn’t ideal, but there are steps you can take to influence an ineffective boss and shift their bad behavior.

To begin with, it's important to remember that bad behavior usually isn’t an indication that someone is a bad person. Your manager may not realize they are acting unproductively, or may not have had the opportunity to learn good leadership skills.

Too many managers were strong individual contributors who were thrown into a management role because they were good at their jobs, not because they were good leaders. Approaching challenging behavior with curiosity and compassion can foster productive dialogue that leads to long-term behavior change (Edmondson, 2019).

The first step to shifting your manager’s behavior is to learn what matters most to them. By identifying their personal priorities and goals, you will be able to frame your ideas and initiatives in terms of the things they care about (Gabarro & Kotter, 2005).

If your boss isn’t clearly communicating priorities, ask open-ended questions—What’s most important to you........

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