“I recognized it in my gut probably the second that he asked me to marry him, but I wasn't brave enough to throw everything upside down at that point. We were living together, and I had no friends, family, or anyone nearby. I was totally alone. This was my only person.”

This is what Emily told me in an interview about her broken engagement.

Right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, fair or not—we often ask a lot of questions about our significant other to help us determine if they are “the one.”

In our haste to find the right person, or our rush to get married, or even the excitement of new love, we can sometimes focus so much on the life plan that we forget, neglect, or even avoid checking on ourselves.

I conducted dozens of dissertation interviews with people who experienced a broken engagement, from shortly after saying yes to the day of their wedding rehearsal. A few unexpected patterns caught my attention. This resulted in three questions (although there are certainly more) that I realized are worthy of pause. A person can answer these questions before taking a relationship to the next level.

I don’t mean the meet-cute and love story you tell others. I mean:
Where were you mentally at the start of your relationship?
Did you feel like yourself?
Were you in a good and healthy place, ready for a relationship?
Were you on the rebound from another relationship?
Were you

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