In the eternal search for better relationships, couples seek ways to deepen and strengthen their bonds. Part of that search involves finding the possible cracks in that relationship so they can be repaired.

Along comes the “bird theory test,” the newest entry into the relationship-improvement landscape. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s simple enough. All you have to do is tell your partner, “I saw a bird today.” If your partner asks you questions about the bird—what species it was, what it was doing, etc.—this is good. If your partner stolidly continues to focus on whatever they were doing when you made the observation, you may be in trouble.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be a bird for this test to get underway (you could substitute any object), but let’s stick with the bird anyhow. Now, let’s find out why this could be so indicative of your relationship’s strength.

According to the legendary theory of University of Washington’s John Gottman and Nan Silver (1999), couples keep their relationship strong when they respond to each other’s “bids” for connection. In this context, a “bid” is a feeler or probe in which you send out a message to see what your partner does in response. You might be feeling a bit down, so you see if you can engage your partner in a little conversation to try to boost your mood. Or you might be ruminating........

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