Few human endeavors are as rewarding and potentially frightening as acts of intimacy.

In Robert Sternberg's triad of love—passion, intimacy, commitment—the intimacy stage of a relationship predominates as the passionate stage wanes. This is hardly surprising; the quiet dedication and nuance of intimacy can scarcely emerge in the throes of passion.

Where passion feels like a merging of self and other, intimacy requires appreciation of the separateness of self and loved one. Intimacy is not a flight from the self but a celebration of the self in concert with another person. Appreciation of separateness makes both partners feel more desired, valuable, and worthy of love.

To foster intimacy, partners must:

The implicit statement of intimacy is:

“Sharing this event (a beautiful sunset, washing dishes, watching a movie) with you, enriches the experience.”

Intimacy requires self-disclosure, which means not hiding or feeling afraid to talk about what we think and how we feel. Part of intimacy is sharing the true self, not the “social" or “dating” self.

The continual process of discovery afforded by intimacy is almost entirely an........

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