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Neurotic narcissism undermines many intimate relationships.

The narcissist's grandiose persona defends against feeling of inferiority and unlovability.

Romantic relationships trigger buried narcissistic rage from early emotional injuries.

A common occurrence in psychotherapy is seeing the patient who seems unable to form any lasting or satisfying long-term romantic relationships. Frequently, they tend to be attracted to emotionally or otherwise unavailable individuals, resulting in repeated failed attempts to establish intimate bonds. In some cases, these same or similar dynamics can be observed in patients who are already in a committed but problematic, volatile, unstable, and stormy relationship. Everyone knows that good communication is essential for healthy relationships. But what happens when clearly communicating just isn’t enough? This is something psychotherapists see frequently: couples having serious difficulties for which teaching them basic communication skills is simply not sufficient. What’s going on with such cases?

Freud once remarked that in the marriage bed, there are at least six people present. He referred, of course, to the respective parents. And that’s not counting every previous spouse or sexual partner. One of the major difficulties with relationships is that there are always two individuals, sometimes with two different agendas, each bringing their own emotional “baggage” into the mix. More often than not, this baggage is unconscious. Unknown. Out of awareness. These patterns can also sometimes be expressed within the therapy relationship itself. All this makes for a richly complex psychological stew. What is the secret to making sense of and constructively dealing with such frustrating, confusing, complicated, and oftentimes repetitive romantic relationship problems?

Let’s begin by taking a look at the pervasive problem of........

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