Constant mood monitoring is a form of emotional labor.

Hypervigilance is a survival mechanism often started in unpredictable families of origin.

You are not responsible for managing another adult's emotional state.

In healthy relationships, partners initiate communication when there is an issue.

Emotional labor comprises various behaviors meant to regulate a relationship and anticipate a partner’s needs. Sometimes emotional labor includes monitoring and anticipating your partner’s moods and reactions in order to keep the relationship running smoothly.

What Emotional Monitoring Looks Like

Emotional monitoring is the ongoing habit of scanning another person’s feelings and adjusting yourself in response. It is part of emotional labor in a relationship.

Ask yourself if you do any of the following:

Check your partner’s tone and nonverbal cues to see if something is wrong

Replay conversations to see if you upset your partner

Change your behavior to prevent conflict

Feel responsible for keeping things calm

Repeatedly ask your partner, “Are you okay?”

At first, monitoring feels like caring. You may equate monitoring with attentiveness or support. You may have even learned from an early age that being very focused on the other person’s moods is what a good........

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