He insists that for strong people like him, anger and frustration are the only acceptable, non-emotional emotions—the reactions that feel purposeful, controlled, and familiar. Anger because it can solve problems. Frustration because it sharpens his focus. Anything quieter or more tender becomes risky background noise—disappointment, sadness, worry, fatigue, compassion, even moments of pure joy—signals he learned early on to override. If it resembles vulnerability, it’s especially avoided, a potential distraction from the work of staying composed.

Maybe you recognize this person. Maybe you even are this person.

If so, you know that people with this belief don’t explicitly refuse to feel; rather, they organize their internal world into two clean categories: functional reactions and emotional complications. With a whole constellation of emotional experiences deemed "improper," they live within the confines of the few reactions that feel both allowed and controllable. Most internal experiences—good or bad—feel like emotions they’re not allowed to have. Their job is to handle pressure without complaining or asking for help.

How any of it settles inside them—what it draws from them, what it quietly demands—never enters the equation. Their inner life is the one variable they stopped counting long ago.

Many high-functioning adults are thus emotionally efficient by necessity. Somewhere along the way, they absorb the belief that their internal world must be smaller, quieter, or less significant than the world around them. Other people are allowed to feel

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