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Estrangement is a form of ambiguous loss, a grief with no clear ending or timeline.

The pressure to "just move on" adds a layer of shame about still grieving, on top of the original loss.

Healing doesn't mean the grief disappears. It means carrying it without letting it run your life.

Whether you chose to go no contact or it was chosen for you, I think you'll know this feeling.

It’s an ordinary day, and you’re doing well. You see a Father's Day promotion in your inbox. Or a sibling's photo appears in your feed. Maybe you see a mother and daughter laughing together in the easy way you never had.

Then, out of nowhere, a pang of grief arrives. Along with a familiar question: Why does this bother me so much?

I want to say something clearly, because almost no one says it to estranged people: It’s okay to still feel sad. The problem isn't that you lack resilience, or forgiveness, or willpower. The problem is that the advice you keep being given—to just move on—misunderstands what this type of loss actually is.

I've specialized in family estrangement for over a decade. It was the focus of my doctoral research, and it's something I've lived myself. So when I talk about being told to move on, this isn't just theory for me; it's personal. I know what it's like to hear “just let it go” and feel something inside answer: I would if I could, but I don't know how.

Think about how differently we treat other losses. If a widow were told to stop dwelling on her husband’s recent death, most of us would recognize the cruelty right away. Yet people living with estrangement hear messages like........

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