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Some couples believe that arguments are part and parcel of any relationship, even though they are not.

The most common causes are relationship imbalance, triggering of old wounds, and unsolved problems.

Reducing arguments requires controlling emotions and win-win compromises that put problems to rest.

You come home from work after a hard day, already irritable, and it doesn’t take much to set you off—a sarcastic-sounding comment, the kids’ toys littering the living room floor. In a matter of nanoseconds, you and your partner are off and running, each snapping at the other, pointing fingers, and talking about "always" and "you never." Once the dust settles, you realize it was just one of those perfect emotional storms. All is quickly repaired and forgiven.

But for some couples, this way of living is not the exception, but the norm. They say things like, "Sure, we argue a lot, like every other couple." Half of their time on a long weekend is spent in verbal battles, or they’re in a deep emotional freeze for days afterward. My response, as they’re sitting in my office, is no, this doesn’t have to be the status quo; you don’t have to spend your relationship in a state of war.

5 Common Argument Triggers

Arguments are not, in themselves, the problem; rather, they are byproducts of other unresolved issues in the relationship. Here, in my experience, are the five most common sources:

Relationship imbalance. Ana feels she always does the heavy lifting........

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