What Is Emotion Regulation?

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Anger and internalization are ends of the emotional spectrum, both often driven by learned hypervigilance.

Those prone to anger need to not blame others and recognize their moods. Internalizers need to be assertive.

Both need to be aware of the beliefs behind the emotions and see others as struggling rather than malicious.

Maybe you’re one of those people with a short fuse. It doesn’t take much to set you off, to go from 0 to 60 in a heartbeat, or even to lash out and blame others. Or, no, you’re at the other end of the spectrum, holding your emotions in or pushing them away through rationalization or self-blame. As Goldilocks discovered, there is a middle ground that is just right, and it is the key to being a responsible adult.

Anatomy of running too hot.

Yes, it starts with your parents and upbringing. If you grew up with emotionally volatile parents—or a parent—full of anger, anxiety, or emotions that shifted like the weather, there’s a good chance their behaviors were imprinted on you. Often, what seems like anger is actually anxiety. They, and now you, may be hypervigilant—always on guard, always looking around corners, with short fuses primed by an unstable or abusive environment, leading to overreactions to things others can take in stride.

Or, more rarely, it’s less about anxiety and more about power, narcissism, and a lack of empathy: the bully who learned to treat others as........

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