Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

Affectionate relationships not only lead to a higher quality of life, they lead to a longer, healthier life.

Fulfillment means balancing our core needs for autonomy and for connection.

We can love without being in good physical health, but we cannot be in good physical health without love.

Loneliness is a risk factor, as salient as smoking or alcoholism.

In his 2026 book, Mental Fitness 101, psychotherapist and teacher Noam Shpancer provides ten principles for psychological well-being. Near the end of the book, he discloses the most fundamental way to nourish ourselves physically and emotionally: Try to love.

The Role of Sex in Trying to Love

Common wisdom says sex is a primary motivation for initiating and sustaining romantic love. It is one of our basic pleasures and the means to the survival of the species.

Shpancer recognizes the powerful appeal of sexual relations. In fact, he devotes an entire course to human sexuality every year. Physical pleasure, however, is not the primary goal of sex. The core appeal of sex is providing connectedness with another person. In Shpancer’s words, “At heart, sex is an attempt to transcend our aloneness.”

In that direct pronouncement, we see two fundamental ideas: our underlying yearning for connection and the focus on trying (“an attempt”).

Sex is a devotedly pleasurable experience for attempting to satisfy our core need for connection. But we don’t necessarily transcend our aloneness with sex. Indeed, we can feel even more isolated afterwards. We strive to transcend. That’s really all we can do. And in this striving, we move forward in our relationships—opening ourselves up to achieving the experience of connection.

Connectedness and Physical Health

A comprehensive 2021 review of the literature on social connectedness concluded that social relationships not only increase the quality of our lives, they improve our........

© Psychology Today