The Importance of Forgiveness

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Some people are afraid to forgive because they have unexplored assumptions about what it is.

If you want to forgive, you first need to take the time to deeply understand what it is and is not.

Do not rush into the forgiveness process, even if others try to pressure you into it.

Being hurt by others creates many challenges. How do I right the wrong? Can I get the person to change? Importantly, can I forgive as a way to guard against unhealthy anger? If so, what are the protections of which I need to be aware so that the forgiveness can be healthy and not damaging either to the one who acted unfairly or to me? We will consider seven themes for protecting yourself as you forgive.

1. Know what you are getting yourself into. What do we mean by forgiveness?

In my research work on forgiveness, which dates back to 1985, I have found that most people with whom I talk do not deeply understand what forgiveness is. I mention this because a false definition of what forgiveness is can be a deterrent to even trying to forgive. It is so difficult to fully comprehend what forgiveness is that an entire journal issue was dedicated to exploring its definition (Song, Enright, & Kim, 2025). The essence of forgiveness in that journal centered on this: As we forgive those who have been unjust to us, we choose to have mercy on that person through respect, kindness, generosity, and even, on its very highest level, love or assisting that person in human betterment when it may be painful to do so.

2. Know what forgiveness is not.

As people willingly forgive, they do not excuse the injustice, nor do they automatically reconcile if the other is a danger to the forgiver, and justice is not thrown under the bus. Forgive and seek justice. Such an understanding of forgiveness can help prevent such errors as, “Oh, I have to put up with this person’s cruelty when I........

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