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Even when two people love each other, it can be difficult to have different opinions or beliefs.

Many couples get entrenched in the same arguments over minor subjects because they need to be "right."

Being open to other people's perspectives and versions of realities doesn't have to invalidate your own.

As a couples therapist and also someone who’s been married a long time, I often wonder why it’s so difficult for two people who love each other to bear the experience of believing different things and holding different opinions. Of course, we want to feel aligned with our partner’s point of view; one of the reasons we choose a partner is because of how they see the world and what they believe. We like like-minded people. But when agreement is not there, when our partner has a different experience from ours, sees reality differently, it becomes a real problem, and harmony feels impossible.

It also surprises me to see the kinds of issues couples fight about and what they’re willing to go to war over. Even when the topic is utterly trivial, partners will argue viciously for whose version of reality is right, whose opinions are accurate in some imagined absolute reality. But as we all know, the cap on the toothpaste is never about the cap.

Couples get embroiled in winning the argument rather than understanding why the issue matters to their........

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