The holidays bring joy, food, family, and sometimes tough conversations. It can feel impossible to talk across divides right now, but social science offers tools that actually help.

I use a simple framework I call the 5 R’s—respect, relate, reframe, revise, and repeat, that I also describe in my book, Misguided. These aren’t about “winning” a debate; they’re about lowering defensiveness and creating space for mutual understanding.

You also don’t need to engage every time. Choose your moments, and try to know the other person’s goal before diving in, whether that is validation, curiosity, certainty, or simply keeping the peace. With that in mind, let’s jump in.

Mutual respect is fundamental for having a productive dialogue. Research shows that people are more likely to reflect on their views and feel satisfied with a conversation when they feel heard and validated. Avoid attacking or shaming, as it often leads to defensiveness.

A new paper describes why and how empathy is also fundamental to this process. Empathy makes difficult conversations more effective because it reduces the psychological threat people feel—both to their identity and to their sense of dignity—when they’re corrected. It also increases trust in the person delivering the correction, making people more open to hearing and accepting accurate information.

To convey respect and empathy during these challenging conversations:

Of course, giving space for empathy can be challenging, and it helps to remember the social and psychological forces that can misguide us. It’s harder to empathize with someone who holds what we think is a “wild” belief,........

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