Many partners assume that if they love each other enough, cooperation will simply happen in its own time. But research, in recent years, has introduced an important clarification: Good relationships support better problem-solving, and strong problem-solving, in turn, reinforces the relationship. The two processes form a loop. If we pull gently on one end, the other will inevitably come undone, too.

This is the central premise of Mara Olekalns’ 2022 article in Negotiation Journal, Nine Lessons from Love: Couples Therapy for Negotiators. Olekalns, a professor of management at Melbourne Business School, argues that negotiation is not just a skill used with colleagues or adversaries; it is also the scaffolding of intimate life.

She proposes that turning points — moments that interrupt the expected flow of interaction — are the crucibles in which relationships are reshaped. A turning point, according to Olekalns, can be:

What unites these moments is the turbulence they create. They unsettle assumptions, trigger uncertainty, erode interpretive generosity and weaken the small acts of maintenance that relationships rely on. A couple may have spent years learning how to handle each other gently, yet one stray moment of stress can pull........

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