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If you identify as a serial over-explainer, there are two things you should know: first, that you’re not alone. An over-explaining habit is one of the most common protective strategies people use while communicating. And second, this protective habit might be secretly harming your self-esteem.

Here’s what’s happening behind the scenes when you feel the urge to over-explain to someone: your mind—while anticipating misunderstanding, conflict, or rejection—is trying to preemptively manage reactions by offering more context than the situation requires. The problem is that this habit, over time, quietly chips away at self-trust, boundaries, and perceived confidence.

If you are also trapped in this pattern, the aim is not to be blunt or emotionally detached. It is to become more accurate, firm, and respectful of yourself in the way you communicate. Here are three behaviors you should stop immediately, and what to practice instead.

1. Stop Habitually Defending Your Boundaries

Contemporary models of assertiveness no longer view boundary-setting as a single social skill; instead, it’s now being viewed as a broader form of psychological agency.

Recent theoretical research describes assertiveness as operating across social, behavioral, emotional, and mental domains, ranging from the ability to speak up, the capacity to act, the willingness to trust one’s emotional experience, and accept reality without excessive self-protection.

When this multidimensional sense of........

© Psychology Today