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We’ve all lived those moments where we promise we’ll wake up early, exercise, launch that side project, or finally tackle our taxes. And then, we end up abandoning ourselves. But when someone else expects us to show up, something switches.

Suddenly, we have no issues being early, we find new ways to be reliable, we live up to our commitments, and become “uncharacteristically” dependable. There’s something deep inside us that makes promises to others sticky and promises to ourselves slippery.

If you want to start keeping the promises that matter, here are two core reasons why this happens, backed by clear psychological principles and research.

1. Promises to Others Come With an Immediate Social Cost

People tend to keep commitments when they know someone else is watching or counting on them. Promises are a form of social contract because they signal trust, intention, and reliability. People often keep their promises in social contexts, even when there’s no direct penalty for breaking them, simply because of norms and expectations.

A 2023 field study involving real monetary promises found that most people kept their word even with no external enforcement, demonstrating how powerful social commitment can be in everyday interactions.

Promises aren’t just spontaneous commitments that we make; they are strategic social tools we use to maintain our relationships. We keep them not only because we value others’ trust, but also because breaking them can damage our reputation and, by extension, our interpersonal relationships. This creates an external incentive that goes far beyond our internal judgments.

In addition to the........

© Psychology Today