Rejection sensitivity, or the conviction that rejection always implies disgrace, is a core feature of perfectionism, which can be defined as a coping mechanism for it. Yet, the fear of rejection associated with perfectionism doesn’t resemble normal levels of it. People tend to fear rejection when it’s potentially associated with those whom they love and admire, and with endeavors they find meaningful. But for perfectionists, often hypercompetitive overthinkers who find meaning almost everywhere (since they relate so much back to themselves), rejection may feel much more important.

I often differentiate between absolute perfectionism and relative perfectionism, the former meaning the desire to be perfect everywhere, all of the time, and to everyone, and the latter meaning the desire to cultivate (or become) the perfect “fit,” creating an environment wherein one is respected and appreciated. Rejection sensitivity in this regard is based on absolute perfectionism, hence why it’s so problematic. Basically, perfectionists often desperately want what they can’t have, chronically searching for more approval and/or admiration, to become (or at least appear) perfect to everyone.

When I was an adolescent, I frequently complained that I didn’t have any friends. As you can imagine, most adults felt sorry for me. I sincerely believed that I tried so hard........

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